I Knew I Liked Women When (NSFW)


Being sexually attracted to other women is not something that was found upon me from experimenting in college. I've known since I was in Kindergarten.

I was hanging out with this guy last summer who gave me his theory on how humans socially construct our sexuality. He believed that our initial sexual encounter predisposed how we would engage sexually in the future. Parents, family members, and society teach children that girls should like boys and vice versa, while completely ignoring our primal desires to explore sexuality openly.

Whether parents are ready for the birds and bees talk or not, children are picking up a lot of misinformation and habits from their peers and media. I ask my sister regularly about what's going on at school, and who's humping who now when the teachers aren't looking. Parents should not take a backseat in discussing sex and sex-trafficking with their children.

Today's Parent has an excellent age-by-age guide on how to approach the sex talk, to relieve some of that anxiety surrounding the subject. You will do more harm than good by attempting to put it off until they go to college.

I don't remember my very first sexual encounter, but I do remember one pivotal sleepover that directed the course of my desires.

There was six of us, and I had known most of the girls that were invited for years. On previous play dates we would practice kissing, but this night the host had other plans (for privacy, let's call her Emily). Emily waited until her parents and older sister were asleep, and convinced us to "play" under their air hockey table. Two girls were to my right in the corner, completely shielded by a nook. I and another girl were in the middle, while Emily and her friend were to my left.

What began as "innocent" kissing quickly turned into much much more. I experienced cunnilingus for the first time. It felt like electricity had exploded through the top of my head and flowed like waves towards every extremity. In the moment, I couldn't believe that this was happening, and I knew that we weren't old enough to be doing whatever it was that we were doing. I didn't have a name for it, and I wasn't sure if it was something that I should be doing with a human who shared my anatomy.

Moments later, Emily's sister walked into the room only to find us all in the throws of passion. I'm pretty sure I was the only one that saw her. Did she hear us, and think that we were watching porn? She was stunned and couldn't speak. I was horrified and unsure of what she may do or say next. She slowly closed the door, and our experimentation with each other didn't miss a beat.

Did I have an orgasm? Who's to say. I was so worried that Emily's sister would go tell their mom and we'd all be in deep shit, that I couldn't focus on the task at hand.

Not long after, Emily's parents got a divorce, and her mother moved her girls to another state. In hindsight, I wonder if that was her mother's way of hopelessly putting a curb on her daughter's homosexuality. Emily and I kept in touch for a few months after the move. She was decidedly gay, and hosting more turn 'em out parties. I distinctly remember her recanting a recent sleepover where they played "Who's in your mouth?" in the dark.

Hunti let me tell you that I longed to have those experiences too. I lost my “virginity” when I was 17, but I wouldn't have my next sexual encounter with another woman until I was 20 years old.

How or when did you discover your sexual orientation? Were you in denial?

I was for years growing up in the South where homosexuality is seen as committing a personal attack on any individual who doesn't share the same views on love and compassion. But look at me now! I’m a Black queer, and I’m unapologetic about it.


Bianca is a lifestyle, travel, and well-being blogger living in Atlanta, GA. When she's not exploring an LGBTQ-welcoming city, you can catch her in the kitchen creating vegan versions of classic dishes or getting to know a local at a neighborhood bar. She's a hot toddy tea sippin, yoga and skin obsessed adventurer who cherishes her self-care.

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